Broken
by Botosphere
Summary: Companion fic to The Tie That Binds. The Daily Buzz gets hacked. Arcee is none too thrilled with Bumblebee's carelessness, but 'Bee does his best to make things right. Arcee's history makes that harder than he expected. Hinted-at Bee x Arcee.


Author's Note: This is a companion fic to The Tie That Binds, chapters 35 ("Death") and 36 ("Laughter"). It's set during a visit Optimus and Arcee paid to Sam (and Bumblebee) on Sam's birthday.

* * *

Arcee glared at him. "Cam, you're with us."

They were welcome words, but not the circumstances Bumblebee hoped for. Sam's roommates had ratted them out. 'Bee couldn't believe they'd actually shown Optimus that they'd hacked _The Daily Buzz_. He'd assumed they had some kind of survival instincts and would have kept all this to themselves. Now he was going to get blamed for the security breach - Arcee's tone of voice left no room for doubt.

Sulking despite himself, he followed Arcee's three holoforms out of Sam's dorm room, with Optimus bringing up the rear. Tonight had been going so well! With Optimus standing in as Sam's guardian, Bumblebee was able to relax and have fun training with Arcee like old times. She'd been enjoying herself, too, right up until he managed to shove both of the holoforms she'd been using into the fountain in the math building. She could have switched off her holoforms and admitted defeat, and she'd have been instantly warm and dry. Instead she'd upped the ante. Technically she'd cheated when she broke out her third holoform, but as far as he was concerned, that just meant she wasn't holding back anymore. And that was when he admired her most.

Arcee's Elita holoform held the door for all the rest as they stepped out into the chill February evening.

"When are we due back on base?" Arcee's pink-clad holoform asked Optimus as she fell into step beside 'Bee.

"I requested leave until midnight. Sam has classes in the morning."

"Any way we can amend it to 06:00? Bumblebee needs more repairs to his processors than I thought."

Optimus' holoform glanced his way, irritation tugging at his thoughtful frown.

'Bee ducked his head, but even if they were mad at him, he still felt a twinge of hope that they'd stay just a few hours longer.

Optimus' expression softened. "Our request to extend personal leave has been granted. You both have six more hours." In a comm to the two of them, he added, /But Ratchet will be furious if 'Bee isn't in better shape than we found him./

Arcee's holoforms nodded in agreement. /Understood./

"I'll keep watch over the boy until you deem Bumblebee's repairs complete."

Arcee was parked closer, and Bumblebee commed her as he continued on to his own alt-form. /There are forested areas between here and the base, if you want to do some more evasive training on the way./

/We'll see,/ she sent in response. /It depends on your answers./

/To what?/ he asked as he fired up his engine and headed out of the parking lot toward the street.

/To what the frag were you thinking, giving two juveniles – immature juveniles, by Mikaela's account – information that was top-secret classified./

/For the record, I didn't give them anything,/ he protested.

Arcee's three bikes swooped around him to take point. /Uh-huh./

/They hacked it on their own, and Sam found out first. He wanted to keep the security breach a secret so the blog wouldn't get shut down. And I _assumed _they didn't have a death wish and would keep the secret, too./

/Do you think they're adrenaline junkies like Iron Will, then?/ she asked.

He chuckled despite himself, encouraged that she seemed to be softening a bit. /Not really. Could you smell how thick the pheromones were in the air back there? They were probably trying to show off for the sexy women in the room./

Arcee snorted in amusement. /Maybe they really do have a death wish, then. It's not like we were going easy on you./

/For some guys, that's a turn-on, from what I understand./

/Humans are weird./

/I won't argue that one./

She chuckled and then revved her engines a little in impatience as the light turned red. To keep her entertained while they waited, he sent memory after memory of the roomies' ridiculous theories about _The Daily Buzz's_ netizens. Her shoulders were shaking with laughter before the light turned green.

Once they were one their way again, she transmitted a back route to the base, one that detoured through several heavily-forested areas. /Alright, fine. We'll put you through your paces in your base form. If you can either catch us or make it to base without us catching you, we'll report to Ratchet that your processors are working properly. If not, we'll let him come straighten you out./

/You're on!/

They stuck with the speed limit until the dense trees and February dark hid them from view of the scattered houses that lined the road. Arcee killed her headlights, leaped off the road and over a ditch, and ducked into a stand of pines.

Bumblebee grinned to himself – this was almost as good as a Cybertronian games tournament. In some ways it was better because they weren't confined to an arena. Turning off his own headlights, he sped on, analyzing maps and satellite imagery of the terrain ahead. Arcee's path would eventually have to turn and cross his if she was going to catch him before he got to the base. A river to the east would limit her options, and if they were training in their root modes, they'd have to avoid the cities ahead, too. His battle computer calculated that the open farmland to the south would force her to a certain bridge if she was to stay undercover, and he hurried on his way, hoping to beat her there.

As 'Bee eventually approached the bridge, he noticed that the frost forming on the blacktop hadn't been disturbed yet. Arcee couldn't have come through there. She was probably on foot, then, and likely several miles back. Transforming, he started walking through the orchards and stands of trees, trusting to the cover of darkness.

As a matter of survival, the 'bots had gotten skilled at hiding their spark signatures. It wasn't until they were working with humans that they thought to scan for heat signatures. The environment on Cybertron wasn't as varied as on Earth, and so the idea had just never occurred to them. 'Bee turned on the infrared scanners NEST had equipped them all with.

Of course, after racing Arcee to the bridge, the heat from his frame was probably visible halfway across the state. He paused between two tall pines and tinkered with his ventilation system, trying to mask his presence a little better.

He'd walked just short of a mile before he saw Arcee. She'd masked her spark signature, but the heat of her frame blazed in his sensors. As he crept closer, he noticed that she was standing in the middle of an orchard road, completely out in the open. Was it a trap?

He paused, hunching low, and waited. For several long minutes, she just stood there, staring up at the sky.

It had to be a trap – it had to be. Arcee was more stealthy than that. But he didn't see how it could be, so eventually he slipped further behind her and just launched himself forward to tackle her.

/Pinned you!/ he triumphantly sent.

She fought an arm free and elbowed him irritably.

Bumblebee sat back on his heels, letting her rise, and tilted his head curiously. She wasn't playing anymore. Something had upset her. /It's not like you to get that distracted. What's wrong?/

"Nothing," she said, rising to her feet and dusting the snow off her frame.

He raised an optic ridge, but she turned her back, looking at the stars again. "I saw a meteorite, that's all."

'Bee instantly forgot their exercise and rose to his feet. /A cometary form?/

"No." She shook her head, still gazing upward. "It burned out too quickly. It just...made me think."

He stepped closer, looking at the stars now, too. /About what?/

"Nothing."

/About _whom_?/ he persisted.

"Fragger," she cussed, and 'Bee knew he'd hit a wire. Giving in to the inevitable, she said, "Chromia. And my other femme-kin, for that matter. Lancer, Firestar, Flare-up, they're still out there, too. Maybe."

/The Elite Guard./ Elita's team, minus their leader - their spark.

"It's been so long since I've been near any of them, I almost wonder..." She trailed off into silence.

/Have you talked to Ironhide?/

"Because he would be the first mech a 'bot would turn to in the middle of an existential crisis," she sarcastically said.

"Just sayin'," he quoted.

"I _don't _want to talk about it."

'Bee shrugged and lowered himself to the ground, reclining on his back so he could still look at the night sky. Some were mere stars, he knew, but many of them were suns with planets orbiting them.

With a spark-deep sigh, Arcee joined him, reclining in the snow.

After a silent moment or two, 'Bee began to imitate a human tunelessly whistling in expectation.

"I don't _want _to talk about it," she finally allowed, "but I probably should, since we don't have humans around to eavesdrop and you're one of the few mechs I know who can actually keep a secret."

/Yeah, not having a voice helps with that,/ he lightly said.

She turned her head to glare at him. "That wasn't funny."

He looked over at her and held her gaze. /It wasn't intended to be./

Frowning, she looked heavenward again.

/So...existential crisis,/ he said after a moment of research. /Bond-sense deprivation could do that, I guess./

"Practically all of us are cut off from our clans, 'Bee."

/Yeah, but your clan was especially tightly-knit. And you have clan members around that you're severed from. That's gotta be weird. Hard./

She shook her head. "That's not it."

/Midlife crisis?/ he ventured, teasing just a little.

Arcee sighed again at the humor she knew he just couldn't resist. "Shut up, youngling."

He dared a slight smile and waited in expectant silence.

"I miss them," she eventually murmured. "I miss Chromia, even though she can be such a pig-headed brat."

'Bee snorted at the humanisms and the mental images they produced.

"What if..." Arcee offlined her optics, hiding from this gnawing fear.

/What if...?/ 'Bee prompted.

"What if she can't feel our bond anymore once she gets here? What if I'm that..."

/...broken?/

Arcee hunched her shoulders against the word.

/Is that what this is about?/ 'Bee demanded. He sat up and looked at her in surprise.

"I shouldn't have said anything," she bitterly answered, focusing on him again.

/Hey.../ he said, reaching out to rest a soothing hand on her arm. /Not to be critical or anything, but you're wrong. I'm glad you spoke up because that's not something you should be worrying about./

She snorted at him.

/I'm serious,/ he insisted. /How could you even think that?/

"Oh, I don't know...because I've been chopped into thirds?" she snarked back at him.

/But you're still _you_, Arcee! Maybe you're...different now, in terms of how your spark is structured, but you - you the femme I've known since the first shot fired in this war - you are still all there./

"Don't try to cheer me up," she snarled. "Ratchet couldn't fix me - you can't either."

/I'm not trying to!/ he protested. /I'm just pointing out how _stupid _you're being./

She sat up and punched his shoulder - hard - again and again until she lost track of how many dents she'd put in his frame, and all the while he sat there and quietly took the abuse. Eventually the fight drained out of her, and she rested her helm against his battered shoulder, cooling vents hitching with emotion.

He cupped her helm with a gentle hand. /Better?/

"Not really, no," she answered, gingerly touching one of his larger dents. "I'm so sorry, 'Bee."

He half-laughed with a broken whir, his hand falling to his side again. /Don't be. I provoked you on purpose./

She sat back on her heels and glared at him. "You stupid mech! You _tried _to add guilt on top of all the rest?"

/The Arcee I've known for two-thirds of my life would have done exactly what you did./

She looked away, knowing he was right.

/She would have been scared at the thought of losing her last possible bond and lashed out. She's a fighter and turning fear into firepower is what has kept her alive for so long./

She slumped lower, unable to meet his gaze.

/You're still the femme you have always been./

"You don't understand..."

Bumblebee lifted the hand that had comforted her and turned it palm-up. He opened the data port on his wrist, an invitation to share directly with his processor everything she was thinking - and remembering. /Then help me understand./

She looked up at him sharply and crossed her arms in defiance. "Why would I put you through that, 'Bee? It was bad enough that _I_ had to experience it - what makes you think I'd want to inflict that on anybody else?"

Curious, he tilted his head. /Chromia will know, when she gets here and your bond's not dormant anymore. And that means Ironhide will know, too./

"Slag it!" she grumbled.

/Is that why the thought of Chromia coming is throwing you into an existential crisis?/ When she gave him a Look, he added, /Your words, not mine./

She winced a little and let her helm fall forward to thunk against his shoulder again. "I _really _didn't want to spend our time like this."

In the sultry tones of some actor or another, he said, "What did the boss have in mind?"

"Not _that,_" she scolded, lifting her helm and absent-mindedly massaging an armor seam on her chassis. "And not _this_, either! I just...you make me forget, 'Bee. You always do."

His antennas fell a little in worry. He wasn't a psych-bot to help sort out someone's processors. Still, this was _Arcee_. He owed her. /If it's that important to forget, you could just delete the whole experience./

"But then I wouldn't know how I turned into...this," she muttered, gesturing at her tri-color frame.

/Is it that important to know? If you deleted it, we'd just tell you it really was an upgrade./

She hung her helm. "There are already too many memories attached to it - both processor and spark."

Considering for a moment, 'Bee nodded to himself and reclined into the snow again. /Come here,/ he invited.

She lay back again, too, and 'Bee rested his hand beside hers, so that they were barely touching. /It's not anywhere near the same, but it's hard sometimes, having a broken voice,/ he softly confided. /With my fellow Autobots, it isn't too bad, but it was really hard with the humans, especially at first. Sam helped a lot - he understood so much even when I couldn't put it into words. I was really glad that he got to hear my real voice, even if it was only for a little while./

"I miss your voice, too," she admitted. "Especially your laugh. I could gut the spark of every Decepticon alive for taking away your laugh."

/I miss _your _laugh, too,/ he said, turning his helm to meet her gaze.

The light in her optics softened, and she nodded a little in decision. If there was _anyone _she could talk to about this, it would be him. Her hand brushed his, and twining their fingers together, she drew a deep, steadying breath in through her vents. She couldn't look at him, but it was too frightening to off-line her optics now that she was thinking about Flatline. The memory was too real then. Instead she stared unseeing at the stars.

"I was cold. That was the first thing I noticed, after..." Her voice trailed off. "I hadn't been cold in millennia. Nearly eight thousand years. I was so cold. Then my systems started coming on-line. It was like... There is nothing like it. Not really. I guess...I guess if your processors were out of sync, so that your thoughts were coming at you all out of order and from every direction..." Again she fell silent. "I think we would have gone really, truly insane at first if it weren't for the fact that Flatline and Thundercracker were there. It gave us something to focus our shattered mind and spark on." Voice thick with revulsion, she added, "Hate saved us."

Bumblebee rolled up on his side to rest his other hand on their twined fingers. She still didn't look at him.

"We went into a fury, attacking with anything and everything. It wasn't until later that we realized it was our own body - Arcee's _real_ body - we'd been hurling at them. But we were stronger than Thundercracker. That thought was the second thing that kept us sane, knowing that whatever had happened to us had made us stronger, better able to put that hate to use."

Her gaze darted to his and away again. "It was the Decepticon programming. Ratchet..." Her voice faltered. "When we finally found our way to Earth, Ratchet was furious, in that tightly-controlled, silent way that makes the whole base duck and cover, you know? He worked on me non-stop for about a week. He even put the reject twins into stasis to do it, so he could focus on me. The 'con programming was the first to go, as much as he could take it out, anyway. I've got some software patches now that give me manual override on the worst of what's left. But there was very little he could do for my spark. It'll always be like...like sections of an orange. When I'm in my bipedal form instead of the bike-bots, I can put the pieces together to form a whole, but...but I'll always be divided now."

/And the out-of-sync processors?/

"All three components were programmed for obedience, but Ratchet's created a hierarchy and given my pink component mastery. There's still a lot...more...to my processing and sensory systems. When I'm in my bipedal form, I can think and feel as an individual, but when we're divided out...we're stronger, but we're a unit, not a person."

/You _are _a person. Always./

"He tore me apart," she whispered, "and I don't know _what _I am anymore. That's the scariest part, 'Bee. He had his tools on my spark. _In _my spark. His filthy servos. And I don't remember what he did - or what I did. Was I awake for it and just don't remember now? Did I scream? I just don't know. Primus," her voice was raspy with emotion, "he _broke_ me."

'Bee didn't know what to say to that - what could anyone say?

She started sobbing, engine firing out of sync and revving hard in waves, and it came close to breaking his own spark. He'd only seen her like this once - when Moonracer died. He'd stood guard over both her and Ratchet through half of that battle as they clung to each other, Ratchet mourning his mate and Arcee grieving for her lost sister. That was a dark time in Bumblebee's and Arcee's friendship, and it troubled him to see her like this again.

He sat up and, risking another outburst, pulled her into his arms. She didn't resist, though, instead curling up against his chassis. Her cooling vents whined as they tried to keep up with the rest of her stressed systems. Bumblebee silently held her, stroking her back with his thumb, as the stars made their procession across the sky.

Eventually her engine quieted, falling into a slow, steady rhythm and calm settled over the rest of her systems, too. Still Bumblebee held her. He would have thought she'd dropped into recharge if she hadn't reached up to stroke the scar on his mangled vocal processor. Gentle fingers traced the wound over and over.

They were both broken, in their own ways.

"I'm so sorry, 'Bee," she eventually murmured. "I didn't want you to see that."

/You do that often?/ he wondered, worried.

"No. It was my first real meltdown since...my upgrade. I was holding it together just fine until I saw that slagging shooting star."

/I don't mind,/ he honestly answered. /I owe you, so no big deal./

She sat up to stare at him. "Owe me for what?"

/Oh, I don't know./ He smiled a little, relieved to see that the worst was probably over for her, at least for tonight. /Bringing me back from the brink after my brother died. Or hauling my wounded skidplate home across Polyhex's border. Or the countless times you've had my six during battle. Or the whole thing with Tyger Pax. Take your pick./

She narrowed her optics. "Well what about me? You're always around to pick up the pieces when I fall apart - after the attack on the All Spark before the war even began, when Moonracer died, after Jackpot self-destructed." She shuddered. "And the only reason you got wounded on the Polyhex border was because you took the blast Thundercracker intended for me. So don't try to pull that slag. _I _owe _you_ and you know it!"

Bumblebee wheezed a chuckle and poked her shoulder. /So you're keeping score now?/

She irritably rolled her arm away from him. "So what if I am."

/Then I better think of some more favors I can do for you, quick. Can't have you beating me at this competition./

She sighed and rolled her optics before curling up against his chassis again. "You're being annoying on purpose, aren't you."

/So what if I am?/ he teased her back. /If I try to coddle you and cheer you up with meaningless advice, it'll just make you want to smack me like you do Chromia when she butts her noseplates in where they're not wanted./

"'Bee..." she warned. "You're gonna get smacked anyway you keep this up."

He reached for her shoulders and gently maneuvered her so she was facing him. /Then how 'bout this? You need kin. I know a lot of femmes were clan builders, but you went above and beyond. It scares the slag out of you that you might be alone like this forever. You could handle the separation as long as you had hope. You were able to turn Flatline's mutilation of your frame into an even stronger weapon to use against the 'cons. You were even dealing okay with the fact that he'd mangled your spark. What broke you was the thought of losing Chromia. That's the real problem here./

She looked down, but he pressed, /Isn't it./

She took a deep, shuddering intake through her vents. "Yeah," she admitted in a small voice. "I guess so."

/You're not going to lose her. If anyone's going to survive to the end of this war, it will be her./

"One unlucky shot is all it takes, 'Bee."

He ignored her. /And _when _she shows up on Earth, you're going to feel her coming before any tech can - ours or the humans'. You and Ironhide are going to be tripping over each other with happiness. And _she _will recognize _you_. You'll both sense each other as clearly as you ever did. In fact, I'd be willing to put money on you getting in a knock-down drag-out fight in less than a month. It'll be just like the old times. You two could brawl like nobody else./

Arcee snorted. "_She_ could brawl like nobody else. I just went along for the ride." She reached out, laying her hand over Bumblebee's again. "You know me too well."

/We've been friends for a long time - I _should _know you well./

She smirked. "Yes you should; you know my spark."

Bumblebee ducked his helm a little bit, taken by surprise when she acknowledged it out loud, but said, /And short of knowing it again, I'm as certain as I can be that the spark of my favorite femme is all there. I still have a bright spot for you; my spark still recognizes yours. Chromia won't even have to try./

Her hand on his moved to rest on his armor just above his spark. "And I still have a bright spot for you," she softly said.

Bumblebee offlined his optics at her touch, remembering with more longing than was wise. One nudge in the night was more than most mechs got, and he was grateful he'd been able to share even that with her. /I'm glad./ He was almost afraid to ask, but technically, he had won their contest. /So you'll report to Ratchet that my processors are working like they should?/

She snorted as she rose to her feet. "Yeah, I guess so. But you'll owe me, mech."

'Bee shifted forward into his alt-form. /What else is new?/

Arcee chuckled, leaping into her bike-mode and heading toward the main road. /Nothing,/ she sent in answer. /Nothing's new, nothing's changed at all./

Racing after her, 'Bee thought, /And 'nothing' never felt this good!/

* * *

Author's Note: 'Bee doesn't actually quote the song, but for the curious, the line "What did the boss have in mind?" is from the music video of "Miss Independent" by Ne Yo.


End file.
